I guess this is going to be my first post in this website I’ve been sitting on, unpublished, for… at least a couple years… where do I start?? I’m just going to blabber for a bit.
I’m just about to come out of a long break from tattooing. A few months turned into half a year, and now it’s become just short of year. Decided to move to San Francisco on a whim after visiting for a guest spot becauseeee the place just felt right. I was having a existential crisis, felt overwhelmed by work and struggling with anxiety, as many of us do around my age and in this era. In the last moments that I was tattooing full time I found myself second guessing everything I was doing, feeling lost and incapable of connecting with others. I decided that because I had the means to at the time, the right decision would be to step away for a while rather than permanently maiming my friends and clients in my dissociated state…
I moved to San Francisco with my partner and we both found brand new jobs. I pursued some dreams of mine that were on hold like going to college, becoming a teacher, and a barista.
My professors taught me the purpose of communication (making art) in the first place. They had me rethinking the purpose behind anything I do. My students taught me authenticity and reminded me how to just have fun and be alive. Every moment is pure magic & curiosity through a child’s eyes. Barista-ing taught me how to make a decent latte. All very important.
And then, we found out I got PREGNANT. Whoops. That wasn’t in the plan. I mean eventually yes but didn’t see that coming, not yet… everything started to shift and our plans and aspirations went into hyperdrive (after all the excitement settled in). It was a pretty easy decision to move back to Hawaii where we’ll get the most support from my family. And so that’s where we’ll be by the end of this month.
I feel super excited to come back to tattooing refreshed in mind, body and spirit. Keeping what worked and shedding what didn’t.
Back to Mothers’ Day. It’s all related. Creativity. Creation. What fuels life and all of existence to continue forward is the same force in all of us, that surges through our sacred system. The artist in us wants to create something, to communicate externally as an expression of our aliveness. It doesn’t have to be “good” or “worthy” or any other words we use to judge a thing’s value. It just has to exist.
My biggest dream was always to have a child and become a Mother. Because I was blessed with an awesome Mom, I wanted to be like her. If I couldn’t become one, I wanted to contribute to the world the things that a Mother provides. Unconditional love, compassion, care, someone to look up to and rely on. That’s really the heart of it.
Celebrating and honoring all Moms. I pray the Divine Mother, the Ultimate Mother flows through and guides all of us. Caretakers, Moms who became one when they weren’t ready, Moms who have lost children, and Moms who are still wanting and waiting to conceive. I wish for your happiness and many blessings of love to pour into your life. ❤
Kiya Gloriani 